I’m a like a volcano – suddenly erupting and then slowing cooling down.. So unpredictable and so furious at times and at other times quite dormant.
As I’m writing this post I’m being told that I need to be transformed from a volatile volcano to gentle dew!! Ahhh… that’s not a transformation, it’s not metamorphosis it’s going to be a miracle!! Well, I believe that God is able and he will bring about the change in me to make me who he wants me to be. There’s a war raging between Dematanza and Jeonsin within me.. And I’m hoping Jeonsin wins (To know about Demantanza and Jeonsin read my post on Faithfulness)!!
Some scenes in my life that I can recall without missing the finer details will shows me how volatile I have been in the past – I was good at mathematics and my parents wanted me to teach my younger sister (younger by three years), scoring low on impatience I never succeeded in teaching her. I would teach her a method of solving a problem, and she dint get it right I would get irritated and my mercurial action would be to give her a tight slap. She just cried and challenged to me once and for last that she would never learn from me, and she would one day outshine me! And I’m sure she did!! A behavior so volatile, absolutely null of gentleness and the memory so unpleasant!
Well, it’s not just with my sister, I did this to my friends as well– I could just snap at someone very rudely and not just care about their feelings. My mom, my dad – I would shout back at them, so unruly and messy!
I carried this to onto my maiden work place; I was made responsible for some employee engagement activities at work – fun at work. And sure it was a great success; 100-150 people appreciated me, and the HR was happy about it. She knew I was the key to the program and was using me but suddenly I realized that she was taking all the credit and I snapped – I walked up to her room one day, temperamental as I was – said things in a way which ruined my rapport which led to to closing that activity at work.
I dint stop there – I’ve done many blunders such as these with my husband, my father in law and some other people as well. My acts might be logically right according to me, I would have a few heads nodding to why I did something – but I did miss out on gentleness in my approach. Lack of gentleness in my actions arise because of anger, immaturity, impulsiveness, thoughtlessness, not being able to see the bigger picture and many more, lack of understanding etc and more importantly because I chose to focus on myself rather than on God..
I still continue to be impulsive, volatile, and temperamental and miss out on being gentle where required the most. I’ve destroyed many relationships around me sadly. If I’m claiming to be a Christian, who’s saved and sealed with the Holy Spirit shouldn’t my fruits have an element of gentleness?? I’m a born Christian, I went to church each Sunday, and I’ve piled my showcase with accolades, certificates and mementos that I know my Bible well! In fact some parents had used me as a plum line to measure their kid’s performance! What a disgrace that they dint help me to put to practice what the Holy Spirit intended to do in my life.
When I began this year (2013)– I penned a few areas in my life where I wanted to see some positive change. I’ve always realized my volatility – therefore I picked up on a hard verse – a high standard! I Peter3:3-4 (Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight). And now towards the fag end of the year I know I’ve failed miserably… The year I’ve been the most unruly, I’ve erupted too frequently. I kept listening to my carnal voice more than leading of the Holy Spirit and that’s the reason there is so much dirt piled up everywhere, and it’s absolutely messy!
I’ve therefore come to understand that like a volcano brings in destruction so does actions done without gentleness do! While gentle actions are like the morning dew – you have a fire burning in the night, by morning its put off by the dew so gentle. Actions with gentleness may not immediately be recognized and appreciated, infact it may go unnoticed as well. As the morning dew waters the earth so do gentle actions build relationships, cement broken hearts and bring forth a spring of joy and help establish the will of God!
It’s quite impossible to be gentle in a fallen world with our own strength, all that we need is the Holy Spirit leading us, guiding us and correcting us when we go astray. I don’t know how it’s going to be going forward but I’m trusting God for a miracle to happen to convert “A volatile Volcano to a gentle Dew” !